Tuesday, November 18, 2008

How the Grinch stole Thanksgiving

My friends think I'm crazy. This isn't generally news, except that this particular instance of certifiable cuckoo-ness is rearing its ugly head in about a week, when Americans sit down to the standard American Thanksgiving Gorge-Fest of turkey, mashed potatoes, candied yams, butter butter butter, cream cream cream, bacon'd green beans...and the ultimate icon of the Thanksgiving Feast, the pumpkin pie. And then they pray, and they pray, and they pray, pray, pray, that the Good Lord hears their Words of Thanks.

If the gluttonous feasting weren't enough, there's the overabundance of relatives if your family successfully guilted you into spending a random Thursday with your nearest and most-loathed, people with whom you argue every other day of the year if you talk or ignore if you don't. Or the pity with which you're bombarded by knowing coworkers and friends if you've chosen to go it alone. And then the thanks. The prayer of thanks. One single, solitary day of the year dedicated to saying aloud the things for which you're thankful, as if it were the orgasmic culmination of a year-long sack session, saving it all up for a single moment to out-thank everyone at the dinner table.

Frankly, I hate Thanksgiving. Let's forget the realities behind the Pilgrims and the Indians' supposedly friendly food contract; the reality I'm presenting is, why save it all up for one day? Why are we unfriendly, ungrateful, and selfish the rest of the year, not spending time with our families or taking the time to let the people we love know how much we appreciate them?

I could go on and on about why I hate Thanksgiving, but trying a new tack here, I'd like to set an example and state a few things I'm thankful for
today, rather than wait until next Thursday.

  • Man, I'm awfully grateful for my partnership with Sir, whom I've begun calling Mountain Man ever since he started growing darling beard curls and head curls all over from the shoulders up. Without Mountain Man, I doubt I could have successfully weaned myself off my parents, learned out to stand up for myself against rowdy Californian drivers, worked my ass off at a job I hated to gain the respect of people I liked, moved to a wholly new state and learned how NOT to pump my own gas, or gained the confidence to take my life into my own hands and appreciate the woman I'm becoming.
  • Even the strangest of bananas has a band of friends to support her, and I'm no different. Without the EvilSlutopia.com women, I wouldn't have met Mountain Man or his amazing mother, and I wouldn't have attempted easing my writing into a more conversational format. Without Dre, I wouldn't know the comfort and ease that I see in JD and Turk's friendship, and feel blessed that I have someone I can call Dr. Dre or Fraiva, interchangably; there is no one else who would appreciate a game of Frisbee in winter rain, wearing matching orange tap shorts, with me.
  • I am so lucky to have a job. I am so lucky to have a job in the industry I'm in. I am SO, SO, SO lucky to be working for a company willing to do whatever it takes to help me gain the qualifications to do my job, even if that means dumping thousands and thousands of dollars into my training. Because of my employer's confidence in me, I can keep a roof over our head and heat on our bodies and food in our bellies.
  • I can read. Every day, I am so happy that Mrs. Reesen taught me to read phonetically, a concept that educators of that day thought of as wasteful due to my hearing impairment. Mrs. Reesen had never heard that a deaf girl couldn't learn to read phonetically, and because of this, I am among the 10% of all hearing-impaired youngsters who actually excelled academically, most of us having done so due to that early benefit of having a teacher like mine.
  • I'm healthy. For years, I didn't have health insurance, but I had the luck to be of sound mind and body.
  • My relationship with my family is tight. Things were tough, but time truly does heal all wounds. As my backbone is growing stronger, my familial ties are getting healthier, and there seems to be a lot of respect all around. I have my family's love and support.
  • I got a rad momma-in-law! I really lucked out...I am forever a changed person thanks to her.
You don't need to wait for Thanksgiving to let out your ecstatic cry; tell me what you're thankful for today!

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